10.06 on a Tuesday morning; I’ve just wrestled my way off the central line at Mile End and am already 6 minutes late for my lecture on Modernism and Democracy.
As I attempt to cross the crazy intersection, I am nearly run over by a number 25 that wants desperately to engulf me in it’s stretchy mid section. I contemplate how stunning I really must be if more than heterosexual men, giant red automobiles desire me…
I look at my watch: 10.10 – “I don’t think anyone expects to encounter profound epiphanies on Whitman this morning”, I reassure myself. Though, the cute American guy from last week was pretty insightful; making him even more attractive then his sparkly green eyes. I digress…which inevitably makes me walk slower!
10.12- I stop dead in my tracks – “Good morning, pretty lady!” ‘Calm yourself’, I respond to my man-radar, ‘it’s not George Clooney’. But instead, a Unicef charity worker. Leading me by the arm, he proposes we have a quick chat [no doubt concerning his rather hideous, luminous orange overcoat] I briefly consider the fashion alternatives I’ll give him – ‘Topman does a great leather jacket that will compliment your jet-black hair’.
“We are working to help all the world’s children in every sector possible – health, education, poverty and you could be a vital element in that process”.
“I’m so sorry! I’m already late for my lecture”.
“But this will only take a second my love. We are asking that you donate as little as £5 a month and you’ll save as many as 90 children a year…now, wouldn’t that make you feel just great?!”
Let us review.
“I am a 20 year old undergrad, already £15,000 in student loan debt, with a part-time job that hardly pays for a Nutri Grain breakfast bar let alone my zones 1-4 oyster! I have no solid career prospect aside from an inclination to complete a post-grad that’ll cost me another £12,000 and I have to pay £15 for a bottle of Gaviscon on prescription because I’m no longer 18. Not to mention the £56 a month eating out of my summer savings as I am married to the gym on account of popular culture denying my thunder thighs altogether. Save the children of the world?! I am a child of the world – save me!!!”
He smiles uncomfortably, backs away slowly and looks for another victim. Charity workers outside a University full of financially unstable, struggling students?! Please feel free to donate £5 a month to me anytime…that'll give me something to feel great about!
No comments:
Post a Comment